Have you ever been to a trade show, a running race, a bank,
or some other public place where they are giving away pens, and wondered where they
all end up? I think I have the answer:
my house.
Here is how I know this: When I woke up this past Sunday
morning, my wife and D4 were already out and about. Upon making my way downstairs I found a 7
item "Honey-Do" list. The
first six were easy enough – mostly routine maintenance items, like changing lightbulbs.
Speaking of which, The Queen was a genetics major at
Cornell, so…
Q:
How many geneticists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A:
23 pairs
OK, The Queen thought it was funny.
Anyway, the last item on the list was "Fix stuck
kitchen drawer." A look from inside
the cabinet below the drawer revealed the problem. The left side panel was separating from the
back, and the drawer bottom had popped out of the slot. Clearly the drawer was overstuffed. Of course, to fix a drawer, one must first
empty said drawer. Fortunately I was
able to get it open far enough to reach my hand in and pull out the
contents. 20 minutes later, aside from
the usual pads, batteries, paper clips, keys to cars we no longer own, etc., I
had counted 171.5 writing implements (there was half a pen in there as well).
Think about that. A
single 12x18 inch drawer holds enough pens, pencils and markers to keep 21
octopi busy with a few extra legs to spare.
A cursory check of the work room The Queen and the kids share (remember,
three are away at college, so this includes what they left behind) indicated
that all the logo-embossed plastic cups my kids have received at various events
have been converted into pen and pencil holders as well. I’m not even going to try to count those!
So next time you are unsuccessfully trying to find something
with which to write, while cursing a blue streak, rest assured that your
missing pen or pencil is almost certainly trapped in The Garden of
Estrogen. Come on over. Take 10, 20, 50. Bring your octopus. It’s fine by me.
