History Isn't What It Used to Be

Tonight was Back to School Night for D4. The Queen and I calmly moved from class to class one at a time (in contrast to the confusion when we go for D1, D2 and D3). When we got to the last class - social studies/ancient civilizations - the teacher, a very bright, energetic man, was expounding on all of the great things the class would be learning this year. "Only problem is our textbooks were published 10 years ago. We need to get updated versions."

Here's my question: If the kids are studying civilizations from thousands of years ago, what difference does it make whether the book was published in 2001 or 2011? As long as all the pages in the book are intact, shouldn't that be enough? Or am I missing something here?

Air Travel Pet Peeves II

There is plenty of legroom in economy. Just ask any child.

Air Travel Pet Peeves

When I look at the back of the seat in front of me, I see a magazine holder and a miniature TV. Why does the 5 year old in the seat behind me see a large sign that says KICK HERE?

How fast was I going, officer?

I like to tempt fate. When I see a police car with a radar gun, I don't slow down. I speed up. In fact, I even wave at the cop as I zoom by, daring him to fire up those flashing lights and come after me. You might call it foolish. I call it living life on the edge, and it has yet to catch up to me. You see, for some reason, no matter how fast I go, the police seem reluctant to ticket a runner.

Disney fails a biology test

Or more exactly, lyracist Howard Ashman (1950-1991) failed biology. How did I come to this conclusion? Check out the lyrics to "Under the Sea", the signature song of the movie The Little Mermaid.

What do they got - a lot of Sand?

We got a hot crustacean band.

Each little clam here know how to jam here under the sea.

Each little slug here cutting a rug here under the sea.

Each little snail here know how to wail here,

That's why it's hotter under the water,

Yeah we in luck here down inthe muck here under the sea!

Clam: Not a crustacean, but a mollusk.

Slug: Also, not a crustacean, but a mollusk.

Snail: Yet one more mollusk.

In fact,

The newt play the flute,

The carp play the harp,

The plaice play the bass and they sounding sharp.

The bass play the brass,

The chub play the tub,

The fluke is the duke of soul (Yeah!)

The Ray he can play,

The ling's on the strings,

The trout rockin' out,

The blackfish she sings,

The smelt and the sprat,

They know where it's at,

And oh that blowfish blow!

Do you see any crustaceans in that list? Add in the sturgeon and the sardine, the other two sea creatures mentioned inthe song. Still no crustaceans.

So the only crustacean in the entire song is Sebastian himself. Hmm... a little self centered, aren't we?

This is not an indictment of Disney in general. At least Walt properly identified seven diminuitive men as dwarves rather than midgets.

The Royal Wedding

I was not invited to the royal wedding. That's OK, I didn't expect to be, and it's probably a good thing. When I came downstairs this morning, the kids had the event on the television, and I saw the man in the picture at the left walking down the aisle. I am told his name is Dr. Rowan Williams, Archbishop of Canterbury.

Now I have no idea what kind of a spritual leader Dr. Williams is - not being English there is practically zero chance of us ever interacting in any way. Hopefully he does well by his fellow Anglicans.

The reason it's a good thing I was not invited to the wedding is that had I been sitting in the front row, the CNN cameras would have caught me laughing. Why? Because I had never seen a picture of the Archbishop before, and when I did I suddenly had a "Princess Bride" flashback (see below). At that moment, the only thing that was going through my mind was one simple question: "Is he going to introduce the service with the word "Mawaige"?

A Fence for the Myopic

Take a few seconds to look at this picture...

What you can't see is that the fence extends for several hundred yards to the right. OK, I get it. They are protecting the railroad track at the top of the embankment.

But what is the deterrent value of the barbed wire? Is it just me or would anyone with half a brain just walk 3 feet to the left and save a lot of cuts and scrapes?

This is Soap?

My mother in-law gave us a bottle of Pomegranate & Mango soap. Let's see... Mango - sticky mess. Pomegranate - the juice will stain just about anything. Put them together and rub them all over my hands. Mix in some other stuff (from the ingredient list) like water, ammonium laureth sulfate, sodium hydroxide, and about 15 unpronounceable chemicals. Call me crazy but when I'm done I still feel the need to wash up.