I am working late one
night at the office when I receive a call from The Queen, who is waiting to
take D3 home from soccer practice.
Queen: "There is a hissing sound coming from the
car."
Gardener: "Can you isolate the sound? Is it coming from
the hood? A tire?"Queen: "It's not obvious, and none of the tires look flat."
Gardener: "I suppose it's possible the hissing could be coming from the car next to you, but how about you drive home, and we'll see what things sound like there."
Upon arriving home it
still isn't obvious what is wrong until I put my ear very close to the left
rear tire (note for beginners – this is a diagnostic step that should be
performed when the car is not moving). I hear a hiss coming from the
tread, and upon closer inspection I see a piece of metal embedded in the tire.
OK, found the problem. Too late to get to a service station, plus it’s getting
dark. There is never a convenient time to change a tire, but at least we are in
our own driveway.
Gardener (calling into the house): "Could you please
figure out which child has the least homework and convince her to come help
me?"
The kids have been up
late studying the past few nights, so I am expecting an argument over who gets
stuck helping to change a tire. Sure enough, an argument ensues, but to my
surprise, D2 and D3 emerge simultaneously, each trying to convince The Queen
that they should be the one to help.
What's this? Teenagers
vying to perform manual labor? Hurry, check the sky for pigs flying or a blue
moon. Has a certain extremely hot place frozen over? Have the New York Mets won
the National League Pennant? No on all
counts, and of course the last one really is impossible. Nevertheless, what am
I missing here?
Well, it seems that
the kids' calculus teacher recently instructed them to learn how to change a
tire because he wants them to develop life skills along with the intellectual
skills. So naturally D2 and D3 can’t wait to be the first to tell him they have
indeed changed a tire. D1 must really be
buried with homework tonight or she would probably be out here as well.
Of course this brings
out the teacher/coach in me, and I immediately decide that the kids will do as
much of the job as possible, and I will simply ask questions, ensure safety,
and make certain suggestions to keep it from taking all night.
Gardener: "OK, let’s get started. Where is the spare?"
D2: "Under the car"(true for a 1997 Dodge Grand Caravan, our previous car, but not our
current 2011 Honda Odyssey).D3 (looking): "I don't see it. Maybe we need to lift the back of the car first."
D2: "OK, we need the jack. Where is the jack?"
Gardener: "Maybe the jack is with the tire."
D3 (looking back under the car): "How stupid is that? Why put the jack with the tire if you have to lift the car to get at it?
Gardener: "What does that tell you?"
D2: "That we should be looking somewhere else?"
Gardener: "Good thinking."
A few minutes later,
still no luck. As it is a school night, I need to speed things up a little.
Gardener: "Maybe you should look in the glove
compartment."
D2: "Who would put a spare tire in the glove
compartment?"Gardener: "Any of you seen National Treasure?"
D3: “I love that movie! Oh wait, I get it. It's a clue!”
D2 opens the little door, starts sifting through registration, insurance, warranty...instruction manual. Aha!!!!!
D2 (finding the tire
changing section): "Which one is the second row? We need to lift the
carpet in the second row of seats."
D3: "Got it. Wow, what is all this stuff?"D2 (holding up lug wrench): "What's this for?"
D3: "Removing the hub cap."
D2: "Ok, let's do that. Hey, where are the hub caps? Dad, we can't find the hub caps."
Gardener: These are alloy wheels. No hub caps. You get to skip that step.
D3: "Then I guess this isn't a hub cap remover, is it?"
Gardener: "How about you just follow the instructions."
D2: "Let's jack up the car."
Gardener: "How about you just follow the instructions."
D3: "It says loosen the lug nuts first. Why?"
Gardener: "Try it."
D3: "Hey, which tire has the problem? None of them look flat."
Gardener: "We'll, perhaps we should solve that problem first."
The kids scurry around
the car, bending down and listening carefully. They find the hissing tire,
retrieve the wrench, and try to remove the lug nuts.
D3 (straining mightily
to turn the wrench clockwise): "It won't budge! Am I turning the wrong
way?"
Gardener: "Have you heard the saying 'lefty loosey
righty tighty'?"D3: "Right, let's try it the other way. Still won't budge. What am I doing wrong here?"
I suspect the kids are no match for the pneumatic lug wrench that was obviously used to mount the tire at the factory. I step forward to help. Wow, those are on tight! Grunt, silent expletive, then - Ok, finally got it. Same thing for the other four. Now time for the important lesson.
Gardener: "OK, that was tougher than it should have
been. But what do you think about trying all of this with the car balanced on
the jack?"
D2: "Ooh, good point. Loosen the nuts first, then jack
up the car. Let's do it."
Fifteen minutes of
trial and error and a few safety tips later, the kids have the rear corner of
the car raised high enough that the tire is off the ground. They remove the lug
nuts, slide the wheel off, and grab the donut (the car does not have a full
size spare). Several more minutes of trying...
D2: "The spare won't go on. Are you sure the holes are
the same?"
Gardener: "Yes the holes are the same."
More fruitless
attempts, more time goes by. Perhaps I
should be in a lawn chair sipping a beer.
D3: "We give up. What are we not getting here?"
Gardener: "Ok, if you are having trouble getting the
wheel on and you are NOT working with your back to traffic, sit on the ground
in front of where the wheel is supposed to go. Now balance the tire between
your feet and hands and look through the lug holes."D3: "I get it! I can see where they go now! This is so cool. Now let's put on the lug nuts.
Gardener: "Go in a star pattern, but don't tighten all the way."
D2: "I know. We don't want to knock the car off the jack."
Gardener: "Exactly"
D2 and D3 (fist bump): "We own the material!"
Finally the new tire
is on, the car is down, and the kids start to head in.
Gardener: "Where are you going?"
D2: "We're done."Gardener: "And the driveway looks like your bedroom. All this stuff needs to go away."
D3 (sheepishly): "Oh yeah."
The kids find all the
various parts, which is not so easy in the dark. I verify that nothing is
missing. Then we put the flat tire in the back of the car.
Gardener: "Now you are done."
D3: "Can't wait to tell our teacher tomorrow."Gardener: "We'll it's almost tomorrow now, so let's get inside. I don't think a flat tire will be a valid excuse for falling asleep in class."
The total elapsed time
for this experience has been 90 minutes, which is about 89 minutes and 50
seconds slower than a NASCAR pit crew, but way more fun.
