This Postcard appeared in 2007.
* * *
The big girls have moved on from their elementary school
(K-4) and have begun intermediate school this fall. The little one is only in second grade, but she
thinks she can keep up (and in many ways she does). It’s an amazing age. Sometimes they give glimpses of what they
will be like as adults, and then they can turn around and be little girls again
– which they still are most of the time.
But before the little girls disappear entirely, I need to take a few
snapshots for the time capsule. This
month we take a close look at the subject of dating.
* * *
I don’t know what worries me more:
- The
idea that one day my daughters will have boyfriends.
- The
idea that it may happen at approximately the same time (at least for the
big three – this is NOT one area where I want the little one to play
catch-up).
However, I remember how completely inept most boys are at
all things social, so perhaps I still have some breathing room. Of course, one should not assume the topic
doesn’t enter their thought process, but for the time being I can still observe
and be (mostly) amused.
Disclaimer: my
daughters claim that I have muddled some of this account. If so, I take full responsibility for any
misidentification of my daughters or misinterpretation that may have
occurred. I was writing as quickly as I
could, and 10 year old girls have a tendency to talk simultaneously (no,
really?). Of course any actual names that
appear here have been changed.
The scene: Dinner time
at the Staffin house late spring – the girls are about to conclude their 4th
grade experience.
The Queen has a
speaking engagement and I am alone with the kids. As we have learned, this means they eat,
while I serve and listen.
D3: “Kevin is so
annoying. Daddy, why are boys so
annoying?
Father: “It’s something we practice starting in
pre-school. There is a special
‘annoying’ class that only boys can attend, where they teach us how to drive
girls crazy. Then we spend a lifetime
perfecting the techniques.”
D4: “Really?”
D3: “No silly, you can always tell when Daddy is
joking. He gets that look like he’s
about to smile.”
D1: “Are you writing
this down? Oh no, he’s making a
Postcard! Let’s change the subject.”
I think I’m going to
have to change tactics one of these days.
They are getting wise to my research methods.
D3 (ignoring D1’s
warning): “Daddy, are you Mommy’s boyfriend?”
Father: “Yes.”
D4: “How can you be her boyfriend if you are married?”
Father: “You get married when you decide you want to be
boyfriend and girlfriend forever. I take
it none of you have boyfriends, right?
D2: “D1 likes Mark”.
D1: “Eew, I do not.
He curses.”
D2: “D3 chases him.”
D3: “He asked me to.”
Father: “And so you do?”
D3: “Sure, why not?”
Why didn’t I think of
that when I was a teenager? She looks
cute. “Hey chase me. Want to go out on a date? Great!”
D1: “He thinks he is funny, but he is completely annoying.”
D2: “Totally.”
D3: “You know, boys think it’s cool to have a girlfriend.”
Father: “Why?”
D1 and D2 in unison: “I have no idea.”
D3: “I don’t know, but it seems that way.”
Father: “What do they do?”
D1: “They don’t do anything.
They just say they have a girlfriend and leave them alone.”
Father: “So let me get
this straight. Boys annoy you, right?”
D1: “Yes”
Father: “And then they leave you alone? This sounds like a good thing.” (especially for Dad)
D1 and D2: “No, you don’t get it.”
D1: “They say they have a girlfriend, but they don’t do
anything. They don’t give Valentines or
go out on dates. They just leave the
subject alone.”
Father: “What if you ask the girl?”
D3: “The girls say ‘No, I don’t even talk to him!’ or ‘He’s the most annoying person in the
universe!’ ”
Father: “So the boys are making it up.”
D1: “Yes. They just
say it and go do boy things.”
Father: “Has any boy
said he likes you?”
D1 and D3: “No”
D2: “Well…”
D3 (always the helpful
one, whispers): “Jake”
Father: “Did Jake say he likes you?”
D2: “No, but I think he does.”
Father: “And how does that make you feel?”
D2: “Bad.”
D3: “I put ice down his back.”
D1: “Yeah, she beats up the boys.”
Father: “So, boys like D2, and then D3 beats them up.”
D3: “I don’t really beat them up. I just protect the girls – especially when boys
steal their stuff.”
D2: “It’s really nice to have D3 on your side.” Note:
D3 is only 10, but she is about to reach 5 feet tall and is as strong as
some adults. If I were an annoying
little boy I think I would steer clear of D3’s friends.”
Now let’s see what D4
thinks of all this. She has been
listening to this whole conversation with a mixture of fascination and
skepticism.
Father: “D4, what do you think about boyfriends?”
D4: “They’re
dumb. I want to marry a boy that doesn’t
like kissing.”
Father: “Have you ever had a boyfriend?”
D4: “No”
Father: “When do you think you will have a boyfriend?”
D4: “College.”
Father: “Good answer.”
D4: “Or high school, whichever comes first.”
D2: “Not such a good answer, eh Daddy?” I don’t
know which is more scary – D4 dating or the fact that D2 is starting to find me
predictable.
D3: “You know what’s cool?
They have to ask me if I want to be their girlfriend. And I can say no whenever I want.”
Father: “What if they don’t ask?”
D3: “I’ll ask them.” At
least I’m raising a modern woman…
D3: “Or else I’ll hypnotize them.” ...and apparently a mystic as well.
D2: “Or better yet, ask them just before they are about to
go to sleep when they are really tired.”
Father: “You aren’t going to be anywhere near where boys are
going to sleep.”
D3: “Sure we are. In
college. You just walk into their room
when they are lying in bed and scream ‘ASK ME!!!’.”
You have to give D3
points for originality there. I attended
four years of undergrad and two years of graduate school and never heard of
anything like that. Not sure if my girls
are typical in the way they look at this whole boyfriend thing at this age
(aside from the screaming in the dorm room tactic), but it will be fascinating
to see how this all resolves itself over the next decade.
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