The Magic Tumblers

When The Queen and I were married, we received as a wedding gift a set of 16 glass tumblers. They were beautiful, but they were so obviously fragile that we knew they would never last. It looked like a glass would break just by looking at it, let alone putting it through the dishwasher - and that was before we had triplets. My sister and her husband, who were married only 10 weeks earlier, received the same exact gift. So that at least one of us would be able to keep a complete set, my sister gave us hers. The tumblers are used several times a week, so it's not like we have hidden them from sight.

We just broke our first one - 18.5 years later. At this rate, my sister's set will be exhausted (still leaving us a complete set) in the year 2287.

Baby on Board

While waiting in the seemingly endless line of cars attempting to traverse under the Hudson River through the Lincoln Tunnel, I happened to spot two cars that were adorned with yellow diamond window signs indicating "Baby On Board". As neither car had tinted windows and no one was moving very fast that morning, it was relatively easy to discern that the lone occupant of each vehicle was a female driver.

It makes one wonder to whom the yellow sign was referring, and what kind of harassment lawsuit would be initiated if one of the attendants at the toll plaza read the text and offered the greeting, "Hi there, baby!".

International Star Registry

Are you familiar with the International Star Registry? This company has been around for a while – I catch their advertisements on the radio now and again. For anywhere from $54 to $500 you can name a star. Basically what happens is they locate one of the billions of stars in the heavens, affix your name to it, and record the name and location in a copyrighted book. Then they send you some type of commemorative materials to celebrate the occasion (just how commemorative determines the price of the package).

I have no problem with this. If people are entertained by it and feel that they have received something of value for their money, who am I to judge? However, it does make one wonder if each of those other billions of stars out there have enterprising individuals on their respective planets who are busily selling $54 naming packages that include our own sun.

In fact, it seems to me that when the Galactic Council convenes in Stardate 9467 (after we have developed interstellar space flight), the biggest challenge is going to be sorting out all the names.

In the meantime, I have come up with a variation on this theme as a way to ease our own federal deficit: Sell off the naming rights to the planets:

• Mercury – Club Med
• Venus – 1-800-Flowers
• Mars (the red planet) – Coca Cola
• Earth – Planet Microsoft (Bill Gates is the only one who can still afford it)
• Jupiter – Wal-Mart
• Saturn (rings) - DeBeers
• Uranus – Preparation H
• Neptune – Evian
• Pluto – Disney
• Asteroid Belt – Starbucks – they are everywhere, but seem to be a bit frayed around the edges these days.

A Green New Year

On Dick Clark's New Year's Eve show, they made a big deal about the eco-friendly ball they were using in Times Square this year. Apparently the ball uses as much energy as would be required by a pair of standard household ovens.

Last night my wife and I took the kids into the city to see the Lion King. As we turned into Times Square, we were immediately blasted by the sea of lights from all direction. Neon, plasma screens, floodlights - the several block expanse at the confluence of Broadway and 7th Avenue may actually be brighter at night than it is during the day. The irony of this was clearly not lost on Daughter #1, who pointed to the other end of the square and sarcastically said, "Look - it's the eco-friendly ball!"

Presenting the 2008 Pumpkin Gallery
- All hand carved by the Gardener -

Directions

Every week my wife and I spend what seems to be a considerable amount of time planning out the weekend's optimal routes for getting our children to their various soccer games and other activities. This weekend, while searching for directions, I discovered that humor exists in government. Note the final entry.

Directions to Wall Township Municipal Complex (from the township website)

From the North: New Jersey Turnpike south to Exit 11; Garden State Parkway south to Exit 98.

From the South: New Jersey Turnpike north to Exit 7A; Interstate 195 east to the Shore Points Exit. Or if the Garden State Parkway is closeby, take it north to Exit 98.

From the West: Pennsylvania Turnpike east, over the bridge; New Jersey Turnpike North to Exit 7A; Interstate 195 east to the Shore Points Exit.

From the East: Swim swiftly west, avoiding reptilian, mammalian and other possible aquatic intruders. When you hit land, stop. Dry off and head due west in the neighborhood of 4 miles. You're here :)

Storefront

A dry cleaning establishment simultaneously communicates store hours and larger priorities.